Healthy Relationships

Going into the New Year it is important to not only have a healthy mind and body but also healthy relationships. 
In this episode I discuss with you the difference between a healthy relationship, an unhealthy relationship and an abusive relationship. I also discuss where to get help if you have found yourself or someone you love in an unhealthy or dangerous relationship. 
Bring only the best parts of life into 2020!

Transcript

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Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of four vaginas only. I hope that all of you had a very happy holiday whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, whatever you celebrating this holiday season, and I hope it's been a joyful one now, before the new year. I think it's very, very important to discuss in this episode healthy relationships. So let's cue the music. And then we can talk about some of those relationships that you should be bringing into the New Year and some that you should probably be letting go. Hello and welcome to four vaginas only the podcast about everything. Female. I'm your host, Dr Celestine, bringing you important information about understanding your health and body in the way you wish your doctor would actually explain it. Oh, right. Hello again. I am Dr C. And you're listening to another episode of my podcast called Four Vaginas. Only in this episode we are talking about healthy relationships. Many people out there are in unhealthy relationships and don't know it. Some people are even in healthy relationships, and you know just fine ways to think that they're in a bad relationship, wherever you may be at whatever stage in life. You're at whether you're an adolescent, a young adult, a teenager. Middled age, retirement age, healthy relationships are important, whether it's with significant others with friendships. And I want to make sure that you guys are bringing healthy relationships into 2020 and that you are leaving the unhealthy relationships behind and getting help and seeking safety if you're in any type of abusive relationship. So let's talk about all that. Okay, so we see all the articles online, you know, five signs you're in a toxic relationship. 10 habits of strong couples. Three ways to keep your marriage healthy. We see them over and over on all of those blog's sites, magazines, magazine, websites. There's millions of these articles out there, but what is truly a healthy relationship now? I think this is a super important topic to cover into the new year, where the majority of us are looking to make positive changes going forward, not on Lee with healthy bodies, you know, working out and things like that healthy mind, but also with healthy relationships. So let's start with some of the fax. So is most of you know I'm a board certified obstetrician and gynecologist. So our main governing body, where we get a lot of our rules from our practice guidelines is called the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists or a cog for sure it, like we refer to them and a cog, actually wrote an opinion article on this folks, which means it's important. So first of all this article talks about defining a healthy relationship. And let me tell you, the key points here in this medical opinion article are the same exact key points that you see in all those relationship articles that you click on when you want to see if you're in one, too. Yes, I do it, too, so, you know, don't feel too guilty. We all click on them. But here are the key points. Number one. Respect Number two, communication and number three having a healthy sexual elements are healthy sexual activity. Now I kind of bunch thes on my own accord for number one, including not only respect but respect and trust to communication and honesty. And three yes, still the sexual healthy elements. So let's talk a little bit about what each of these three aspects mean and what you should be looking for to define 12 and three. All right, so first of all, number one respect and trust. Now it's funny cause I read an article recently that said Aretha Franklin sang a whole song about respect. So it must be important. R E s P E C T. And it is okay, so respect treating each other like you want to be treated and accepting each other's opinions, accepting each other's friends and interests. And also don't abuse technology to spy on each other. Okay, which is kind of an update for this new generation. Um and trust really trust is established sometimes over time by how you treat one another. And to have a respectful and trusting relationship is a healthy relationship. Number two, communication and honesty. Feeling comfortable being open and honest with each other, feeling heard by one another and celebrating each other. The small wins the big wins. You know, being there for each other in that way is communication and honesty and is important and unhealthy relationship No Number three having those healthy sexual elements. So the number one thing here is that first you've to value your own body and your personal health. I cannot stress this enough and anybody that follows me on for vaginas only, whether it's on instagram or through the podcast. They know that this is a huge thing for me. You have to respect yourself and be comfortable with your own body in order to then have those healthy sexual relationships, which is one of the key elements. Why people say you shouldn't be having sex at such a young age because you're still learning about yourself in order to share that part of yourself with someone else. So anyway, feeling safe in your relationship, never feeling forced into doing anything sexual, these air very important aspects of having healthy sexual relationship overall in a healthy relationship. Both partners feel supported and connected, but you still have a sense of independence. Giving each other some space is also important. Having your own friends and interests outside of the relationship. You don't always have to do everything together, and that doesn't always mean that year 100% connected. If you're always stuck to each other sides, you have to have some time for yourself and some time for your personal growth as you get older and wiser and all of that, and also here I just want to touch on sex again, because I know it's really important in relationships, as many of us know. So yeah, that new relationship passion that does decline over time. Everybody knows that just because it's kind of gone away, that new, exciting passion that you just want to claw each other every five seconds, even though that declines doesn't mean that your sexual relationship is declining. That sort of transforms that early in tenseness transforms into a deep passion and trust, so that changes in relationships as well. It doesn't mean that your relationship is going south. It just means you're transforming and you're growing in your relationship. But yes, having sex is important. And making sure that both partners are happy with the sexual aspect of the relationship is important as well. All right now, that's all well and good, but what is important is to know when you're in an unhealthy relationship. So what's so interesting to me and sort of crazy at the same time are some of the fax that I've come across. So one fact is that of females in ninth to 12th grade 9 to 12 grade folks, 11% report being forced into sexual activity that they did not want to. D'oh! And about 9% have been physically hurt on purpose by someone that they're dating. 9th 12 Great isn't that crazy? And what's even more interesting is that almost 90% of women in the age group of 18 to 25 report some form of sexual harassment occurring to them at least one time in their life span that is mind blowing. I mean, it's coming to light more now with the meat to movement and the like, but, you know, that's 90%. That's almost every single female. That's crazy. But although these numbers are shocking, they need to be heard, and it needs to be understood that this is the reality that we live in. Okay, so what makes an unhealthy relationship lying, cheating, jealousy? This isn't cute. Ladies and gentlemen, jealousy and being jealous of your partner and expressing this jealousy does not mean that this person loves you unconditionally. It's unhealthy, characteristic, okay, trying to control someone, forcing where you go, checking your phone or email without permission, keeping you away from friends and family thes things air unhealthy, like I mentioned before. Just because you spend all of your time together or because someone wants you to spend every single waking moment with them does not mean that this is a healthy relationship. Does not mean that it's love. Okay, so we have to keep that in mind. And I want to point out here that this not just men doing it to women. Women could do this to men. And also this is very important in the LGBT community as well. You guys are not left out. This is important for every single human being to understand, no matter what type of relationship you're in now, it's important to know that everything in a relationship is not always 100% all of the time. But the core of respect, communication and safety should always be present, no matter what up or down part of relationship you might be in. Sometimes counseling can help, or therapy can help as well, and also making time to just have a respectful conversation with each other. Talk about your wants, your needs. What's bothering you, things that you're looking for out of the relationship, these air important conversations to have from time to time to make sure that you are maintaining a healthy and happy relationship, You have to be happy. You have to be happy. Okay, if you're not happy the majority of the time. This is also an unhealthy relationship. Now let's talk about when a relationship is not just unhealthy but becomes dangerous, an abusive relationship. And I really think it's important to go through all the different aspects of abuse because a lot of people think that if you're partners not hitting you or pushing you against a wall, that it's not abused and things were okay and that's not true, Okay, there's different forms of abuse. There's the physical abuse, which we know of kicking, pushing, hitting their sexual abuse, forcing you to do anything sexual when you are not consenting to it, and that even involves kissing. And this includes whether you are in a relationship or not just because you're in a relationship. If you're not consenting to it, it is still a form of abuse. Okay, verbal abuse, someone putting you down, constantly, belittling you emotional abuse, making you feel bad about yourself blaming things on you that are not really your fault. That's emotional abuse, reproductive control. Now this one is interesting, and a lot of people don't know about it. So if someone is pressuring you to get pregnant or toe end a pregnancy or if they're lying about birth control women, if you're not telling your partner that you're are saying that you're on birth control, you're not men not using condoms and saying that you're do that. You are. These are forms of reproductive control, which is a form of abuse. Okay, threats. If you're threatening your Children, if you're threatening to commit suicide or threatening violence in order to control someone, that is a form of abuse and also isolation, controlling who you see what you do that is a form of abuse. And this is when and a relationship crosses over from being unhealthy to being dangerous. Okay, now what to do if you're in a unhealthy, dangerous situation, or if you know someone who is in one first of all. If you do know that someone is in an abusive or dangerous relationship, reach out to them, be a safe space for them, and remember that on average it takes seven attempts seven to get out of an abusive relationship permanently. So do not give up on your friend or your loved one if you know that they're in a piece of relationship and keep reaching out to them. Also, there are resource is for those of you that are in some domestic violence and abusive situations. The main one is a national domestic violence hotline. Their phone number is 1 807 99 safe or 1 807 997233 They also have safety plans, and resource is on their website, the hotline dot org's. Now this is an important number and website to know. Sometimes if you're in abusive relationships, you can't do these things around your partner. You don't want to see have them see your search history. So go to that person that's your friend or that's been reaching out to you. Use their computer, use their phone and reach out to this national domestic violence hotline in order to get the help that you need. And that is all. Thank you guys So much for listening to four vaginas on Lee. Thank you so much for listening and trying to make sure that you have healthy relationships in 2020 and going forward. It's very, very important. And I hope you guys take this to heart. If any of you out there actually experiencing domestic violence and abuse, I hope that you are using some of these resources and using your friends and family that you feel safe with and going into the new year. Brighter, happier, more comfortable with yourself and more comfortable with your relationships. Happy New Year, guys signing out doctor See? See you in 2020.